Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Born again eatery proprietors

Hi yall, i was thinking about it.
Before Amerca (bush inflection thankyou) was get er done and britnified and needed some no child left behind up in this peice, we had some goddamn good scientists. Space age optimism gave us this zap it zip it attidute and showed us just how much were better off infusing our lives with "Improvements". And before too long we all knew exactly what we needed: that which was invented for our homes and stomachs. (Cake mix, TV dinners, Oatmeal in little plastic bags, Jello, Jiffy Pop etc...)

The scientific process was twisted inwards and applied to our most sacred of all rituals: Food. Multinational corps took what was previously farmed and sold at local markets in its more or less essential form and put it into a white room, poked and prodded it, smashed mixed and distilled, untill we got the plastic version of that thing. Then our favorite designers did what they do best to anything plastic. Shaped it out of our wildest dreams and then gave it to the populace, sometimes doing taste-testing. Advertising wizards and the plastic packaging worlocks would now ask supply and demand for advice on how to proceed. And here we are.

Hot dogs were only the beginning.

This stuf is like modernday totem poles. Every food has a shape and a concept. An Elf or a lucky charm. A neon hewed special treat

or a mutilated vestige of something once sacred (like PBJ)..... some of this of course in the name of placating or taming the beasties that are our kids.

....and are they our doom that Amerca need to protect herself from?

Heres the thing. I love this junk. Me and my sour patch kids are going to rule the world one day I swear. Ever since I first microwaved... basically anything, or they had fudgecicle day at 2nd grade, or the time me and my good freind ian invented a little something called Dorito Salad (and then the evil geniuses at Doritos stole our thunder)

And the gastric gods knows Ive had my bouts with vegetarianism, natural organic munchies and ecoconciousness. That is all really good stuff, and I have found ways to infuse my life with those green precepts. But I dont want to throw out the yello # 5 just because it may cause a lil problem with digestion, or burn a whole in the ozone. At this point in our history, this stuff is here, and for the most part wont decompose- so why not eat it?


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