Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sour Patch Trancendence

Ok so I think most people are one of 2 kinds: A sugar or a Salt person.
Ive always been the latter. Pasta and chicken corn chowder etc... im strait.

But suddenly, after a good report card from the dentist, I've found myself getting into all sorts of sweet things. I never loved soft drinks that much, but now I need something really sweet and supertaurineated, most of the time something like this

(usually I go with black coffee, my more about legal uppers addictions later)

but now i find my self a sucker for Candy.

I dont know why but now I always have to have some kind of choclate around, lately getting into these

and at the movies, some popcorn and these

But, o man. Me and my Sour Patch Kids are going places in the world.

If anyone comes up with creative places to drizzle all the leftover evil sour aftersugar (dont say snort it. foo) lemme know.

and click if you want access to the distinguished Internet Candy Society.

O man I cant wait to be the overweight halo playin college kid I never was.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Are oh st be eef

This may not have been a good idea. Shame and bloating are involved.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fortune Cookie Lost in Translation

Chinese encountering Fortune Cookies for the first time


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

EZ squirt funky purple

just thought that should be emphasized.

Born again eatery proprietors

Hi yall, i was thinking about it.
Before Amerca (bush inflection thankyou) was get er done and britnified and needed some no child left behind up in this peice, we had some goddamn good scientists. Space age optimism gave us this zap it zip it attidute and showed us just how much were better off infusing our lives with "Improvements". And before too long we all knew exactly what we needed: that which was invented for our homes and stomachs. (Cake mix, TV dinners, Oatmeal in little plastic bags, Jello, Jiffy Pop etc...)

The scientific process was twisted inwards and applied to our most sacred of all rituals: Food. Multinational corps took what was previously farmed and sold at local markets in its more or less essential form and put it into a white room, poked and prodded it, smashed mixed and distilled, untill we got the plastic version of that thing. Then our favorite designers did what they do best to anything plastic. Shaped it out of our wildest dreams and then gave it to the populace, sometimes doing taste-testing. Advertising wizards and the plastic packaging worlocks would now ask supply and demand for advice on how to proceed. And here we are.

Hot dogs were only the beginning.

This stuf is like modernday totem poles. Every food has a shape and a concept. An Elf or a lucky charm. A neon hewed special treat

or a mutilated vestige of something once sacred (like PBJ)..... some of this of course in the name of placating or taming the beasties that are our kids.

....and are they our doom that Amerca need to protect herself from?

Heres the thing. I love this junk. Me and my sour patch kids are going to rule the world one day I swear. Ever since I first microwaved... basically anything, or they had fudgecicle day at 2nd grade, or the time me and my good freind ian invented a little something called Dorito Salad (and then the evil geniuses at Doritos stole our thunder)

And the gastric gods knows Ive had my bouts with vegetarianism, natural organic munchies and ecoconciousness. That is all really good stuff, and I have found ways to infuse my life with those green precepts. But I dont want to throw out the yello # 5 just because it may cause a lil problem with digestion, or burn a whole in the ozone. At this point in our history, this stuff is here, and for the most part wont decompose- so why not eat it?

Monday, August 25, 2008

Oreo Outrage!

Yum monster

Outrageous Oreo Cookies

Coming Soon: The Immortal Ramen Heirarchy

The Great Post Modern Food Out

Hello Baby boomers and Masked Maruaders. This is a blog about my favorite post modern food items. Their beautiful plastic packaging and exciting shapes and textures. Chemicals factory vats came to this planet to aid our digestion systems I just know it.


so you know before its too late.